


Closed Legs and Cardigans

by runrarebit



Series: Misfits Moments [7]
Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: AU, Alternate Timeline, Bottom!Nathan, Embarassment, Feelings, Homophobia, M/M, Mind Control, denial of autonomy, hints at past consent issues, remarkably unsmutty, some mention of watersports, virtue virgins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runrarebit/pseuds/runrarebit
Summary: Here we have what happens in episode 6 of season 1 in this AU, straight afterSimon Versus Lady VengeanceandThe Barry Question.Or, to put it another way, the closed legs and cardigans brigade comes to town, the Barry Question is answered, Nathan gets re-virginised, and it's up to The Invisible Cunt to save the day.





	Closed Legs and Cardigans

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine I've written something witty here. I'm sure I did in another timeline when I wasn't so tired when posting this.
> 
> Anyway. Thank you all so much for reading my stupid fics! I've been loving the kudos and comments and really do appreciate them.

So apparently Barry’s name is actually _Simon._ Huh. Well bugger him for not realising that. It makes all those conversations where Kelly was talking about a _Simon_ but it sounded like she was talking about _Barry_ make a lot more sense. He just thought maybe she had an imaginary friend or something. After all, the Storm’s made everyone go a bit mental. Just look at the closed legs and cardigans brigade outside. 

‘So— wait— when you’ve been thinking about how much you want to suck Barry’s cock you actually meant _his,_ ’ Kelly says, helpfully pointing at Barry— _Simon,_ for illustration. 

He hears the garbled bleat he makes in reply, but even he’s not sure what he was trying to say. 

‘Wait,’ she adds, ‘Does that mean it’s his bed you pissed in? Oh, that makes so much more sense now.’

He glances rather helplessly at Simon, a Simon whose expression isn’t all that welcoming— and, ok, maybe he was a bit much earlier, poking and prodding and all, kicking that ball at him, but the other man has been ignoring him recently, not even pointing his phone at him like he knows the little freak likes to do, and it was making him have— feelings. 

He remembers Kelly giving him a slap for giving _Simon_ grief— he’d honestly just thought she’d got the names mixed up, Barry and her imaginary friend, but he was feeling bad about being a twat, so he hadn’t bothered correcting her. He is a twat though, isn’t he? A right cunt. 

It had been funny when she found his wank sock, especially on reflection as she’s just been hopping into him about being a dick to Simon when the reason the sock was crusty is because he’d been wanking over the guy. Fingering himself too— he’s never done that before, the few times someone got close to putting something up there hadn’t exactly enamoured him with the idea, but every now and then since Simon rejected him the idea of what it would be like if the other man hadn’t crosses his mind. He’s pretty sure Simon wouldn’t have actually tried to go in dry— like the guy’s a freak, but he was really nice to him so maybe not that kind of freak, so first he sucked on a couple of fingers and— in the end he could only convince himself to try with one, but it had been— it makes him shiver, thinking about it. He kind of wants to creep off to the loos and do it again. Wouldn’t it be nice if he could get Simon to do it for him?

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ he hears Kelly mutter again. ‘Can you stop thinking about fucking him? We’ve got more important things to worry about!’

He sure does, because Simon responds to this situation by simply shaking his head and walking off, and then Kelly’s calling after him, whisper-shouting, ‘Simon! Simon, get back here!’

He stands there, watching the other man disappear around the hall. He feels numb. Stupid. Helpless. So that’s how Simon reacts to the knowledge that he’s actually, really interested in him? 

‘Well thank you for that,’ he tells Kelly when she scurries back to his side. He doesn’t want to be here anymore, fuck Alicia, fuck Curtis, why the fuck does he care what happens to them? He brushes past Kelly, heading for the door, ‘Now If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drown myself.’

‘Nathan!’ he hears her call out to him, and then ‘Oh for fuck’s sake! Fine, I’ll go rescue Alicia by myself.’

As embarrassing as it is he thinks he might actually be crying. His eyes certainly feel very hot and stingy and there’s a general increase in the moistness level of his entire face region. If he goes round to his mum’s will she let him in? He wants his mum right now. Simon really doesn’t like him, huh?

He’s kind of running by the time he’s out of the Community Centre and then _bam,_ he knocks into someone, and before he’s even straightened up he hears ‘You!’ in a feminine voice, and then the words ‘You know that _you don’t need to behave like this, you can be so much better,_ don’t you?’

It’s like all his worries just fade away. It’s like a soft, pink cloud descends over everything, and as she’s talking all he can think is how much he wants to share this with Simon.

Later he stands up in front of everyone at the meeting, in front of Alicia and Curtis and Kelly and Rachel and tells them that, ‘I’ve been a drunk and a slut and I’ve taken many, many drugs. So many drugs. I’m not even sure how many girls I’ve slept with— sometimes I was so drunk at the time that when I woke up the next morning I couldn’t remember what actually happened—’ he watches them nod and sympathise, but he thinks that’s not all of it, he needs to get all of it out, he needs to be _cleansed._

‘—And it’s not just girls. I have engaged in unnatural sexual acts with members of my own sex. I used to get drunk and give my friends handjobs— or suck them off— and now I’ve started thinking that some them probably weren’t actually my friends, they just hung around because they knew If I was drunk enough they could get me to do that, because none of the have wanted much to do with me since my mum kicked me out of the house and I became a homeless.’ He’ll get back to the issue of how much of an undutiful son he’s been later, it feels important to talk about this other stuff first.

‘I would make excuses for this behaviour by telling myself that what happens when you’re drunk is what happens when you’re drunk, that it doesn’t reflect on who you are as a person, but I know now that the homosexual longings I feel are something real and something that I really must struggle with and overcome if I want to be a productive member of society.’ It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Being a productive member of society— and then he thinks of Simon, and all the guilt rushes in. He clears his throat, preparing to tell them the worst of it.

‘Not that long ago I got drunk with a guy I know and tried to get him to engage in multiple, unnatural sexual acts— which he refused to do. In fact, he was really very nice to me— even though I have been utterly horrible to him in the past— and he took care of me, without _once_ trying to put his penis anywhere inside of me. As I consequence of this, and my own uncontrolled emotional neediness, the mild attraction I have had towards him since we met has developed into sinful, homosexual romantic feelings.’ He hears gasps and murmurs, feels the eyes on him. They seem to be asking him if he’s serious about these feelings, as if he intends to stand by them, but of course he can’t, not and be a member of _Virtue._

He lets out a little laugh, rueful. ‘You know I didn’t even know his name? I thought it was Barry. It’s not Barry— He’s really smart you know? And good looking, and a much better person than me—‘ he clears his throat, ‘Anyway, I think that everything that happened with him is a good illustration of my own self-absorption and an excellent example of the man I no longer want to be. If I don’t treat myself with respect then how can anyone respect me? If I continue to get drunk and offer to give fellatio to random men how can I ever have a meaningful relationship with a woman? If I mercilessly bully someone that I’m interested in, just because I’d rather have their negative attention instead of no attention at all, how can I ever expect them to return my feelings? I have been a liar and a thief and a drunk and a bully and a slut and a bisexual and a terrible son and it’s no wonder my mother threw me out. I truly have no one to blame but myself for the fact that I am living in the Community Centre and stealing most of my food from the vending machines— but I’m a new man now. I _can_ be so much better.’

They all applaud and it’s really nice, they’re all really nice. He wishes Simon could be here, be part of this. He often seems lonely, Simon, wearing his loneliness on the outside the way he never lets himself. It’s pathetic isn’t it, being all smiles and jokes and that way no one can see you cry? He doesn’t like people seeing him cry. He really needs to work on his capacity for emotional intimacy. 

He almost can’t believe he got that vulnerable with Simon and the other man hasn’t brought it up since, hasn’t made fun of him for it. Most of the people he knows that aren’t members of Virtue would have definitely made fun of him for it, for offering to allow the other man to do _that_ shameful, dirty, sinful act if only it meant Simon wouldn’t leave him. He can’t believe he fingered himself thinking about the other man— he really has so much to be ashamed of.

It’s when they’re working on the petition against contraceptives in school that he notices it. Both he and Kelly have signed it, the two of them getting ready to go out and do some door knocking to get some more signatures, when he spots something. An oddity in the way the door just closed behind Rachel. ‘Excuse me, I’ll be right back,’ he says to Kelly, crossing the room and pushing the door back open.

The room is empty— but he knows it can’t be empty. He just saw Rachel come in here, and he was watching, so he knows she didn’t leave again. Also he can hear something, a tinny sound, like music from earphones. ‘Simon?’ he calls out. ‘Are you here?’

Nothing happens for a long moment, then he hears Rachel’s voice from the middle of the room, ‘Help!’ she cries out, ‘There’s an invisible man threatening me.’

‘Simon?’ he calls again, waiting, and then he hears it. That voice. 

‘Change him back. Change them all back.’

‘I can’t!’ Rachel cries out, ‘I don’t know how it works. Anyway, they’re so much better off the way they are now. You’re better off now, aren’t you?’ she asks him.

He nods. ‘Simon, come on, why don’t you join us? You’ll be so much happier. I want you to be happy!’

There is a pause and then the other man says ‘I can’t hear you, I’ve got earphones in.’ He hears Rachel make a little grunting sound, as if she’s being shaken, ‘Change him back, you can’t do things like this to people.’

‘I really can’t,’ she’s saying while the idea filters in. Simon is wearing earphones. If he can get the earphones off Simon then he can hear her talk. If Simon can hear her talk he can become one of them and be so much happier. 

He reaches out to where he thinks Simon is, fingers just brushing cloth, the other man letting out a squeak, ‘Stop it Nathan!’

‘I just want you to be happy!’ he replies, fingers still groping out for the other. ‘Simon! Please!’

His raised voice seems to be attracting quite a crowd, some of the others coming over, Rachel crying out ‘Help! I’m being attacked by an invisible man,’ the moment they do.

‘I don’t think that’s fair,’ he argues with her. ‘He’s not attacking you, he just hasn’t heard your message yet.’

He hears Rachel yelp moments before he feels what he thinks is Simon brush past him, dragging her out of the room and past the others. He reaches out, grabbing at air, feeling his hand close over a wrist— thin, so Rachel’s. He clings on, letting Simon drag them both along, knowing that if he can just get those earphones off the other man everything will be ok. It will be wonderful. The two of them can work together to bring Rachel’s vision into being. He’d like that, working with Simon. 

It’s funny, looking down and feeling her skin against his, but not being able to see it. Obviously Simon’s power doesn’t extend past what the man himself is touching. 

They end up on the roof, him just pushing through the door before Simon slams it shut and starts to barricade it. ‘What’s going on?’ Rachel snaps, visible now she’s been released, ‘Why is he invisible? I don’t understand anything!’

The tinny sound of the music comes closer and then Simon’s talking again. ‘You have to change them back. You shouldn’t interfere with personal autonomy the way you have, you shouldn’t make people act the way you want them to no matter what they think about it. It’s _evil_.’

‘I’m not _evil!_ ’ she hisses, lurching at Simon’s voice. ‘If anyone’s evil it’s _them!_ You’ve seen the way they act, you probably act just the same. Cruel and lustful and lazy and greedy— what room is there for good people in a world full of people like that?’

Simon obviously can’t hear her but she doesn’t care, she just keeps ranting and lurching around, trying to catch him. He doesn’t know what to do. ‘Can’t we just talk about this?’ he asks. ‘This isn’t being very civil.’

‘Shut up you fucking queer,’ she snarls at him, before shaking her head. ‘Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. It was rude of me.’

‘I understand,’ he replies, ‘but I’d still prefer if we could negotiate something. Simon will be very good for your cause, he’s very smart.’

‘ _Simon?_ ’ she muses, circling with her arms out, eyes darting around for any indication of where the man in question is. ‘Is he the man you’re in love with?’

‘I _was_ in love with,’ he corrects her, tongue only stumbling a little on the _was._ It seems strange, doesn’t it, that for a group so focussed on love, on loving yourself, on waiting for marriage and love before you have sex, that his being in love with Simon should be a problem. He doesn’t quite get it. Surely he can be a good, sober, honest, upstanding, productive member of society while still being in love with Simon? If Simon was in love with him too they could get a civil partnership— that’s almost like a marriage isn’t it?— and he would be happy to wait until he was civilly partnered to have any sexual contact with the other man. 

‘You’re sure he doesn’t have any feelings for you?’ she asks him.

‘I’m pretty sure he actually hates me,’ he answers, ‘Like I said at our meeting, I haven’t been very nice to him.’

‘We’ll see,’ she says, and then comes stomping over to him, grabbing him roughly and dragging him over to the edge of the roof. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asks her. He can feel how strongly she’s shaking, how fast she’s breathing. ‘Are you ok?’

‘If you don’t stop fucking with me I will throw him off this roof!’ she calls out, only he doesn’t think she’s talking to him. 

‘I would prefer it if you didn’t do that,’ he tells her, trying to extract himself from her grasp. She smacks him around the head, only once, and then he hears Simon speak.

‘Don’t,’ and when they both turn to the sound of the voice he can see the other man again. A surge of relief flows through him, warm and pleasant. ‘Please let him go.’

Simon looks exhausted, the hollows under his eyes looking even more bruised than always. ‘Oh, haven’t you been sleeping?’ he asks, immediately full of concern.

‘Shut up!’ Rachel snaps, giving him a shake that leads him worryingly close to the edge of the roof.

He hears Simon gasp, sees the man dart over, feels a strong hand close over his arm as the other man starts to drag him away from the roof’s edge, Rachel still clinging on. She lets go, goes rushing for Simon, starts hitting at him, trying to grab his earphones. The other man fights back. They are still worryingly close to the edge. He sees them falter—

He’s flinging himself at the two of them before he can think, one hand closing on Simon’s arm and propelling the man away from the edge, the other reaching for Rachel— he doesn’t quite make it. He sees her go over, feels himself start to follow— 

Warm, strong arms suddenly close around his waist, dragging him backwards. The two of them collapse into one of the chairs, him sprawled over Simon’s lap, Simon’s arms still around him— and his first urge is to rush to check on Rachel, but just as suddenly the urge disappears. He sinks back, feeling Simon hold him tight— ‘Fuck, Barry, you saved me,’ he breathes out and then almost kicks himself. It just slipped out. Barry. Fuck.

‘Barry, huh?’ he hears Simon laugh, low and throaty. He doesn’t seem angry— he turns his head as far as he can, trying to get a look at the other man’s face— he doesn’t look angry either.

And then the screaming starts up below. 

‘I suppose they found her,’ Simon says.

Oh, right, Rachel— he looks down at himself. ‘What am I wearing?’

He realises he’s wearing that grey suit his mum bought him when he went for his first job interview. He didn’t get the job of course, but still— It was the nicest thing he had, he remembers that now, and he didn’t have the money to go and buy new clothes as shoplifting was out of the question.

A little pause and then Simon clears his throat. ‘I think you look nice.’

‘Do you Barry,’ he muses, wriggling a little in the other man’s lap and feeling a certain something press back. ‘Do you indeed?’

Later Simon tells him he was hanging around invisible in the Community Centre the entire time, that he heard everything that was said during their meetings, _everything_. He almost dies of embarrassment right on the spot. He’s glad he doesn’t though, because then Simon asks him out to dinner, and he says yes, and at the end of the night the other man kisses him gently goodbye. 

So, probably a third date kind of guy after all. He supposes he’d better try and steal some rubber sheets from somewhere— he doesn’t exactly want piss soaking into his shitty little mattress. The thing’s uncomfortable enough as it is.


End file.
